Well, it finally happened. The day I feared is upon me. The time has come where I must now resort to every dirty trick in the book to keep Action from running away from me because she is too damned fast to catch.
After damn-near breaking my ass trying to run Action down in the supermarket (see Grid-Iron Glory Days,) I vowed to whip myself into shape so that I could keep up with my Little Agent of Chaos. I dropped nearly 20lbs and increased my strength and flexibility. Nowhere near my heyday mind you, but much better than when I started out.
On this night, I’m spending some daddy-time with Action. She wanted to play and I wanted to wear her behind out so she would go to bed without a fight. I decided I would chase her around the ottoman a few times. She’s having a blast and I’m feeling good. Showing off now, I lapped her a few times around the ottoman. Yeeeah, take that Action! After going back and forth a couple of times, Action was getting winded and started slowing down. I’m getting excited and feeling proud of myself. I’m finally able to keep up with this ball of energy. Finally, I thought, this kid will be going down tonight without a fight.
*snort* yeah, right.
I go to sit down for a breather, when Action grabs my arm and says, “C’mon Daddy, again!!” *Siigh* All right, fine, a few more times and this kids out for the count. As we’re about to get started, Action gives me this smile like, “Oh no Old Man, that was just the warm up!” The next thing I know, this kid powers up on me like
and takes off! The Next thing you know, this kid starts blowing past me! She is literally trying to push me out of her way because I’m moving too slow.
Aw, HELL NO!
That’s when my pride kicked in. Before Action could lap me again, I turned around and blocked her *ish* like Mutombo.
I snatched her little behind up mid-stride and we both fell on the chair. “I’ll be DAMNED if I let you embarrass me out this B***h!” I shouted in my head. Mind you, Action is still squealing with glee throughout all of this, all the while I’m having this internal battle for my wounded pride. Sheeeooot, I should have shoulder-checked her is what I should’ve done
I know I usually complain that no-one ever seems to be around when the mayhem is going down. This time I was actually glad nobody was around to see a grown man get burned by his 2-year-old.
Uuuh, y’all won’t tell anyone, right, cuz that *ish* was embarrassing.