As Action gets older, I really enjoy taken her to different places and events so we can expose her to different stimuli. What I’m not such a fan of is the stimuli that Action exposes us to (read: mayhem.) We never know what to expect from this kid. I do know one thing though; wherever Action goes, you will know that she’s been there.
The Missus’ Little Brother was getting married, so we went out to take part in the festivities. The bride’s side didn’t have any children at the wedding. The groom’s side had a good mixture of young adults, teens, children, and one toddler, Action McGee. The wedding took place on a fine…HOT September day. I’m talking triple digit temperatures here. Action, poor thing, was miserable; hot uncomfortable, sleepy, and teething. She couldn’t wait to get inside the reception area to cool off. Once she did cool off, she was ready to go.
I have this fear; I don’t want to be “Those Parents,” with “that kid.” You you know, the kid that throws tantrums, running around breaking stuff, no manners, you know, “that kid.” Fortunately for us, we don’t have that kid, we have Action McGee, Queen of mischief and mayhem. Once she got inside and cooled off, she was off to the races. Literally.
I was recording the Wedding, so I wasn’t really watching Action. That task fell to the Missus and boy, did Action put her through her paces. Action was like a kid in a candy store; all those tables, chairs, and all that…glass. She was zipping back and forth between tables with a stride that was part ninja, part drunk leprechaun with the speed of a tiny Allyson Felix.
I had to stop recording a couple of times so that the Missus could get a break. I went after her desperately trying to keep her from destroying stuff, as she went from the DJ table, to the extremely fragile glass windows to the wedding cake. By now, you would think some family member would, y’know, step in and maybe help? No, these bums were sitting down, cheering Action on to get away from me, chanting “Run Action, Run!” I finally managed to grab Action and bring her back to the Missus and plopped down in a chair to catch my breath while the pastor said grace over the food.
I’m one of those people with a weird sense of humor, the kind of person who might burst out laughing at a serious event. I’m happy to say, that I have never actually had an outburst at a serious event, but I would sure think about it, let me tell you. I tell you this because I fear I passed that trait on to my daughter. When the pastor was saying grace I was reminded of an episode from the cartoon, The Boondocks. The protagonists, Huey and Riley were at a funeral. Somebody decided to ease the tension by reading poetry. When the person finished his poem, he was promptly booed by Riley. For the record, I. Did. NOT. Boo…but I thought to myself, “man wouldn’t it be messed up if somebody booed the pastor?” Heh, as the saying goes, “God don’t like ugly.” The pastor finished the prayer with, “…in Jesus’s name, Amen.”
OhMyGodOhMyGodOhMyGod. My heart caught up in my throat. I was panicking. Did I do that? DId I subconsciouisly boo the pastor? I always grit my teeth to keep my mouth shut. Was this punishment for not stopping for an old lady in the street or something? Before I could go in full-blown freak out mode, my fears eased when I found the source of the disruption, still booing mind you, in the Missus’ arms as she desperately tried to hush Action. After the initial shock subsided, I had to clamp down on my tongue, or else I truly would’ve burst out laughing. That couldn’t have gone better if you had scripted it. I don’t know if Action was reading my mind or if Action was watching the Boondocks on her tablet while we were at work, but man, the timing of that outburst was money.
As embarrassing as that moment was then (I find it hilarious now) I found myself weirdly satisfied that this happened in public because when I try to tell people about Action’s antics they either don’t believe me, or they’re not watching when she acts up. Well, now you know. The Legend of Action McGee grows.