Do you guys remember Michigan J. Frog? The WB mascot whose claim to fame was Antagonizing that poor man by singing, dancing and performing for nobody else but him? Nobody would believe this guy’s claims about a performing frog because as long as there were witnesses, Michigan J. Frog wasn’t doing squat but sitting and croaking? Action McGee is my very own Michigan J. Frog. She only does her antics for Daddy when nobody is watching. For that reason, people tend to ask, “Is Action really doing these things, or are you just making it up?” I assure you good people that I’m not making this stuff up. As the legend of Action McGee grows, more people are starting grow hip to her antics; except for this one particular weekend at her Aunt’s house.
The Missus, Action, Nana, and myself were visiting the Missus’ sister Jazz one Saturday. It wasn’t a special occasion or anything, just hanging out with family. Since I’m the only one doing the driving on these outings, I tend to find the nearest couch to take a nap so that I’ll be prepared for the drive back home. Action had been relatively tame since her last adventure, so I guess I should’ve been expecting her to act up.
I guess this would be a good time to make a confession: Mom Sis, you were right. all of that training and all of those problem solving drills with Action are coming back to bite me in the butt. This kid is too dang smart and resourceful for her own good sometimes. Not to mention that I would catch Action watching old martial arts movies, Parkour, and the like. I would sometimes wonder just how much of those videos she would retain. I shouldn’t have worried; Action was about to give her a daddy a full demonstration of her “Action Abilities.”
Back at Jazz’s house, it was getting late and we had to head out soon. The Missus wakes me up and asks me to put Action’s shoes on. Action was hanging out with her cousins and was not ready to leave. You see where this is going, right?
I sit Action on the couch to put her shoes on. The second i sit her down, she jumps up like the couch is on fire and tries to make a break for it. We start doing our weird little dance exercise consisting of her jumping off the couch and me lifting her back on to said couch. I finally plop Action on the couch and tell her to cut it out, while getting a little frustrated. She senses my frustration and finally sits still. Grumbling to myself, I pull up a chair, sit down, and grab a shoe and go to put it on her. This is where letting her watch those Kung Fu comes back to haunt me.
Right before I can grab Action to pull her closer to me, she throws her body backwards onto the couch. “C’mon, stop playing Action! It’s time to go!” I reach down to grab her and she starts rolling across the couch like she’s dodging attacks on the ground.
The only reason I was only able to catch her because she ran out of couch. I pick her up and plunk her back to the other end of the couch and hold her down with one hand so I can put her shoe on. As I reach for her foot, she starts swinging her leg in a circle; first counter-clockwise and then clockwise, Up, down and side to side. Mind you, she’s doing all of this with a smirk on her face. I’m starting to feel like I’m in that fight scene from Jackie Chan’s First Strike Finally, I manage to grab the blasted kid’s leg and quickly try to slap her shoe on.
Now, you might have notice that I said “leg” and not “legs.” You would think after the diaper incident, I would’ve learned my lesson. Without missing a beat, Action takes her free foot, presses it on my forearm and kicks off so hard that she pops out of her shoe and slides across the couch. Now I’m sitting there like a doofus, staring at an empty shoe and wondering how the F*#@ Action manged to pull of that beautifully choreographed fight scene. I turn to the Missus and Jazz and said, “Please, somebody tell me that they just saw what Action just did?”
“No, what happened? What did she do?”
I looked at Action, who was still smiling at her triumph and my frustration gave way to immense pride that my daughter had the makings of the next action hero. I also have to respect her determination to keep her skills secret from the general population. That’s OK though, one day she’s gonna slip up and show the world that I’m not making this stuff up.
In the meantime, I think it’s time to sign Action up for Martial Arts Classes.